Author: Jeanette Kofoed|
Codes: CP, VOY.
Series: Part 5 of the Thoughts series: The Seduction of Paris, Harry, A Gift for a Soul Mate, My Beauty.
Archive: Paris Nights, Cha_Club. Anywhere else: Okay with me as long as you say where.
Dedicated: To Robin, who again did a great beta and was very helpful, also dedicated to Elisabeth and Mel.v.P They all know who they are. ;-)
Disclaimer: Characters within this stories belongs to Paramount Pictures and CO. But the story and the plot belongs to me.
Feedback is welcomed at email@example.com
He liked my gift, and I trusted him with it. My soul is now his soul.
Today I did something I didn't think I could ever do--I trusted someone enough to start talking. I didn't talk about anything important, just about my mother and my sisters, but that was enough. The minute I started telling him about my past, I knew I couldn't stop. I had crossed the line and opened the door to my soul, the place where no one has ever been before.
I was still nervous after having told him. What would he do? Would he still want me? If he had shown even the smallest sign of disgust, I would have known that he couldn't handle the rest. The rest will come later, one day at a time, not faster and not slower.
I don't know how he always knows what to do when I'm down. He can always make me smile, laugh and feel wanted. And today when I doubted, he made love to me. Love full of passion and promise. I needed to be possessed by him, needed to be one with him. In that one single act of passion, he washed away the doubts I had about him leaving, but they'll be back, I know they will.
I love the sight of him when we are making love. How every muscle shows, and then there's the smell of him and the erotic moaning. He is so careful, but still he knows I'm not made of glass. The hours after our lovemaking are just as wonderful. Simply lying there in his arms, talking, listening to his heart and feeling the heat of his body. It's all perfect.
So there we were right after having had some wonderful sex. I had completely forgotten that he had present for me too. Suddenly, he stood up and walked over to where he had dropped his clothing. I watched him all the way, admiring his beauty. He bent down and picked up a little wooden box. I stared at him, confused at first, and then I realized that this was his gift to me, to us. I was curious and couldn't wait for him to get back to me, so I stood up and walked over to him. I peeked down over his shoulders, trying to see what it was, and he must have heard me because he started to speak.
"I don't really know if this will scare you away, but I can't wait. Out here, we could be gone tomorrow, and I don't want to die not knowing that we both belonged to each other."
I didn't really understand what he was talking about, but the idea of him not being here tomorrow scared me. I would simply die if he weren't here. Before I was able to respond, he had turned around and opened the little box, where two rings lay. Then, he had dropped to his knees. "Thomas Eugene Paris, will you marry me."
I was shocked, delighted, and frightened. Millions of thoughts passed through my mind. Was it a joke? What would the crew say? What would my father say?
I looked down at Chakotay, deep into his eyes and saw the love, the tender love. *To hell with what the others think, I want him, I 'need' him.*
"Yes," I said with all the love I could. "Yes, yes, yes. I'll marry you."
The next hour went by so fast. We made love, again and again. My entire body ached from the things we had done, but it was worth it. I knew everything would be all right. Or would it? Nothing this good ever happened to me. Would I wake up tomorrow and find that this had just been a dream, or would Chakotay finally realize that he deserved better. Better than a coward, who was now responsible for the death of four of his closest friends, including Harry. Better than a drunk and an addict who would have done just about anything to fly because that was the only thing he could do, the only thing that made him feel free.
What would Chakotay's friends say? They were already against our relationship but had quieted down after his little show in the mess hall. Would they let him be stupid enough to marry me?
Right at that moment, I didn't care. I just decided to forget, just as I had with so many other miserable things in my life. Tomorrow is another day. I better get back to Chakotay; he's waiting for me, on our bed. I just wish I knew what tomorrow would bring.
Well I should have known this would happen. I should have known that they weren't going to let me destroy his life. I just hope they don't break too many of my bones.
Go on to the next part