Disclaimer: Characters wihtin this stories belongs to Paramount Pictures and CO. But the story and the plot belongs to me.

Feedback is welcomed at succubus@get2net.dk

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Thoughts 7

Pain.

I can feel a soft, warm hand brushing my cheek. His voice is far away but still it comforts me.

It's Chakotay's voice. Calling for me, comforting me. My entire being is engulfed in pain; every bone in my body feels broken, except for my legs. I can't move them.

"Tom you're safe. You are going to be all right, and then I'm going to take care of you." His voice warms me and takes some of the pain away.

Slowly the dreaded thoughts begin to surface. 'What happened?' I can't remember why I'm here. The only thing I'm aware of is the pain--and his hands, his voice and the heat of his body. So close.

"Mr. Paris." The voice sounds so far away that I have to concentrate hard to hear it. It's the Doc. "You have to undergo surgery. It will take some hours to complete. Press Commander Chakotay's hand if you understand." Surgery, what happened? The voices slowly start drifting away, but with my last bit of strength, I try to press Chakotay's hand. I'm not sure if I succeeded.

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* 'Stay away from him.' 'Little bitch.' 'Coward.' Pain everywhere. They are all so close, the fists coming closer. Please stop. 'Touch him again and you're dead.' Blood dripping. My eyesight turns red. My mouth tastes of blood. My blood.*

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Suddenly, I'm aware of everything again, the soft cold air in sickbay, the light. It's so sharp. The hand is still there, his hand. I concentrate hard and there he is--Chakotay, in all his beauty. But his handsome face is covered with fear, anguish and hate. It's my fault; I put it there. If only I could remember how. I just want to stay awake and look at him, to make the pain go away. But I'm so tired....so tired.

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"Chakotay," I call as I awaken from a nightmare so horrible that I can't remember it, that I refuse to remember it. And then he is there, brushing my forehead.

"Tom, shh. It's okay, go back to sleep." I can see the lines showing clearly on his face. He hasn't slept in a long time. That was something I knew how to cure.

"Sleep with me Chakotay, please." I give him a pleading look, and he can't refuse. He never could. He slowly climbs up onto the biobed, spooning behind me and holding me tight.

"Sleep now, everything will be all right." His voice soothes me, so warm and caring. His heartbeats slowly lull me to sleep.

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I awake before him and use the time to look at him. The lines on his face are slowly starting to disappear. I just wish I knew how I had brought them there. Two days ago, everything was fine, or at least I think it was two days ago. I'm not sure how long I've been out.

Back then on the holodeck, Chakotay had asked me the one question I never thought anyone would bother to ask me. "Will you marry me?" Tom Paris was getting married. The man that everyone wanted to have a night in bed with but not love. Chakotay was different. Sure the lust was there, but the tender love, patience and caring was also there. That love was the one thing I had craved and wanted all these years but had been too afraid to pursue and figured I was too stupid to be pursued.

I looked around sickbay and noticed that no one else was around, not even Doc. Looking back at Chakotay, I saw that he was awake, his eyes staring, warm and intense, at me. Suddenly his face crumpled, and he drew me into a big hug, while sobbing out the fear he had so bravely kept within himself.

"Tom, baby, I was so scared for you. When they found you...blood everywhere. I couldn't go on living without you." The truth in his eyes and the hysteria in his voice made my heart bleed. I didn't deserve him, but maybe I'm just too big of a coward and too selfish, because. . . God I couldn't give him up.

"Chakotay, it's okay. I'm fine," I soothed him. "Chakotay, with you I will always be okay." With me buried deep in his arms, we both fell asleep. My last conscious thought before I fell asleep was that my legs felt strange.

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