Author: Jeanette Kofoed
Codes: CP, VOY.
Series: Part 9 of the Thoughts series: "The Seduction of Paris", "Harry", "A Gift for a Soul Mate", "My Beauty", "Tom's Gift", "Chakotay's Gift", "Pain" and "Bruises".
Rating: NC-17
Archive: Paris Nights, Cha_Club. Anywhere else: Okay with me as long as you say where.
Dedicated: To Robin, who again did a great beta and was very helpful, also dedicated to Elisabeth and Mel.v.P They all know who they are. ;-)

Disclaimer: Characters within this story belongs to Paramount Pictures and Co. But the story and the plot belongs to me.

Feedback is welcomed at succubus@get2net.dk

Written in May 2000

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Thoughts 9: Harry, Chakotay and Dimples

"Tom let me help you with that." I snap my head up, giving the Doc an angry look and regret it the second I do it.

"Doctor, sorry. I know you're only trying to help, but please. My legs and my eyes might be damaged, but everything else is fine." He nods, understanding, and leaves me to eat for myself. I wish Chakotay was here, but the Captain needed his help negotiating with another of the Delta Q's races.

Only five, five days since I left sickbay, and seven since the *accident*. That's what I call it, because I can't remember it. I know that I was beaten, but for all I know, I could have started it myself.

After Chakotay told me what had happened and what was still wrong with me, for about two minutes, I wanted to die. There was chance that I would never be able to fly again. But now, I don't want to die. Not now that I know he needs me as much as I need him. I clearly remember the pain I had felt when Harry died, the emptiness and the guilt. If I killed myself, Chakotay would blame himself, and his pain would be unbearable.

Besides, Harry would have wanted me to go on. He always knew, and I see that now. He saw the attraction we both had for each other, and the love.

Chakotay and I had talked about Harry, as he had taken me home from sickbay, and it had felt good. None of us had talked much about him, keeping it pent up inside.

The ring, the one Chakotay gave me the day he asked me to marry him, was from Harry. I remember Harry buying them on Eloda, a trading station for buyers and sellers. It was one month before Harry died. We had been walking around for hours, Chakotay, Harry and me, when suddenly Harry had wanted to go into this jewelry shop, if you could call it that. He went inside while Chakotay and I sat outside, waiting. I remember it all so clearly.

************

"So, Tom...?" I looked over at Chakotay. He looked awfully nervous, but at the time I dismissed it.

"So, Chakotay." I suddenly realized that I was as nervous as he was. My fingers were trembling, and my clothes suddenly felt very clammy. He looked over at me, and I could have sworn he blushed, but with his complexion it's too damn hard to see.

"Harry does this often?"

What was he talking about? Had the guy hit his head somewhere? Luckily, he had seen my confusion and changed his question a bit. "Does Harry often go shopping in jewelry shops?"

He really does look cute when he's nervous. "That depends on who he's shopping with Chakotay. Had it been B'Elanna, he would have ended up in some type of army shop."

He started laughing at that. It startled me because I'd never seen him laugh like this. Free, uncontrolled. It looked good on him, and I found myself staring at him, his body, his cute dimples and then right into his eyes.

Everything around me stood still as he started staring back, the intensity of the emotions lying right behind his eyes scared me. Lust, passion, hunger and--yes, love.

"Okay, I'm done now. Do you guys have anything you want to check out?"

Harry's voice awoke me from the spell Chakotay's eyes had put on me. I looked up at Harry, trying to conceal the arousal that had slowly been building. Gazing at my best friend, I tried to find anything that might suggest that Harry was aware of what had going on, not that I was even aware. But nothing, only that innocent smile.

************

A warm hand on my shoulder brought me back to the present. I looked up into warm, brown eyes.

"Chakotay," I managed to say before he bent down and nearly swallowed my tongue.

"Missed me, love?" He finally asked, breaking the kiss. I was incapable of speaking and only nodded, which brought on a smile, along with those cute dimples.

"Were you thinking of Harry again?" He breathed against my neck as he lifted me from the bed and onto the sofa.

"Well yes, but also about you and your dimples... aren't you supposed to be negotiating?" I suddenly remembered that he wasn't supposed to be home before tonight. Not that I was objecting to his being here. I really needed something to take my mind off of things, and right now, I was so bored that even talking politics could help.

I leaned back against him as he positioned himself on the sofa, and he drew his arms around me, everything was perfect, almost. I can feel the tension every time he is around me, the need to protect, and it scares me, because I know what he is capable of. I know if he ever catches those who beat me, they will be worse off than I am right now.

"The Captain gave me the rest of the day off. She said I should go back and entertain you before you strangled the Doctor." He tried to hide his laughter, but without success. Suddenly I started laughing too, for no particular reason other than that he had laughed. My love laughed for the first time in five days.

"So love, tell me again," I managed to say, "tell me again what Harry said to you when he gave you the box with the rings."

He looked down at me and smiled. "So you were thinking about the trip to Eloda, were you? Well, after he had bought them, he came back out and interrupted our little 'eye to eye, I'm going to make you hot' thing. After some time you seemed to have forgotten about Harry's trip into the store and were scurrying around trying to find a present for Naomi, remember. Harry and I were walking together, looking at you and talking about things. Then, he picked up the wooden box and opened it. The most beautiful rings I had ever seen were in there."

He stopped for a minute. I looked up, my eyes pleading with him to continue. He did.

"He said to me, 'He's a free spirit and he needs someone as free as him to care for him the day I'm gone.' I was confused at first as to what he was talking about, but he continued. 'These are a present from me Chakotay, to a friend from a friend. You'll know who to give the other one to, when the time comes.' And that was it. We walked after you, trying to catch up, and in the end I guess we did."

Chakotay, my beloved, smiled down at me and at that moment, I knew that I owed it all to Harry. If he hadn't been there, Chakotay and I would never have come together, at least not without breaking some bones anyway. So wherever you are Harry, I love you.

Now I just have to find a way to make Chakotay forget about what happened to me. Or else I'm afraid that I'll loose him.

Go on to the next part