Author: Jeanette Kofoed
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Thoughts 12 --Steps--
He walked slowly after the man, working hard to keep from being seen. That wasn’t difficult considering that they were in a holoprogram together with half the crew. He watched the blond, limp over to the table where *his* beloved was. As the blond head dipped down and kissed Chakotay, he felt his insides burn.
“Soon, he'll die," the man thought to himself. "Soon he'll no longer pose a threat toward me or my beloved, because he will be dead.”
Tom limped toward us. I was amazed at how good he had become at walking by himself. Janeway and B'Elanna saw this as well, they were proud.
A month has passed, and I still haven't found the guilty souls, but I will find them. When I do, I hope that they will pray for forgiveness to their gods before I do to them what they did to Tom.
The list I asked Ayala to do didn't come out as I had expected. Not at all. There were so many on the list, too many. Ayala had listed all of those who had spoken badly about Tom over the last couple of months or shown hostility toward him.
Didn't any of these people realize what a good man he was, that he didn't deserve this? I know that something isn't right about this entire ordeal, nobody would have started this alone, somebody had to have encouraged them. The question now was who?
I bent down and kissed those lush lips, loving the taste and the softness of them. Chakotay gently drew his arms out and pulled me down to sit beside him. It felt good, everything felt good about my life these days. Except for the nagging feeling that someone was watching me, I felt fine.
I know about Chakotay's quest to find the guilty parties who harmed me. In the beginning, I was against it. I hated to see Chakotay burning up inside with anger, but now I just try to help him, soothe him. I know that even if we never find them, he'll never stop searching.
I saw the list that Ayala had given him, and I was surprised at how many were listed on it. No, I was more than surprised, I was sad. Then something had caught my eyes, and that was that Ayala had listed himself. Why would he do this?
Suddenly I felt a hand sneak under the table and move up and down my thigh, caressing it. I looked accusingly at Chakotay, and he just looked back at me innocently, but apparently I wasn't the only one who had noticed the hand. Janeway gave me one of those smiles saying, “I know what is going on.“ Damn, that didn't help the blush I was trying hard to keep under wraps. Damn Chakotay.
He couldn't believe what was happening. Suddenly blondie had started to turn red, and that was when he noticed. Noticed that the hands that belonged to him, were roving over that slut's body. He felt an uncontrollable anger awake within him--one that he wasn't sure he could keep hidden within the confines of the holodeck. He looked back at the table with a murderous glance, and stomped out of the holodeck. Unaware of the eyes following him.
I had stopped moving my hand over Tom's thigh, and now only held it still. Sometimes I gave it a gentle squeeze, just to make sure he was really beside me. I was proud of him too, just like Kathryn and B'Elanna. Proud because he had shown the doctor that he could walk by himself. My Tom is very resilient and strong; I should never forget that. To be honest, I almost did. Just hearing the doctor go on and on about how serious it was I had forgotten that this was Tom Paris. My love, my strong companion.
I gave Tom's thigh one last squeeze, before moving my arm up and draping it over his shoulders. I tried to listen to the conversation the three were engaged in, but I found that I wanted to look around and try to find hateful faces, regretful faces, or apologizing gazes. I saw nothing of that, only fun, happiness and love. They are out there somewhere.
As we walked home from the resort, I was happy. This was the first time I had been out for a long time, and I had gone there by myself. I know Chakotay would have liked to come and pick me up from the Doctor, but I had asked him, no pleaded with him to just go and have some fun before I came.
Don't get me wrong, I would have loved to go with Chakotay, but I don't want to become dependent on him. I tried that with booze, and it isn't something that I want to try again. Sure too much Chakotay wouldn't have the same negative effect on me as too much booze, but it would still hinder Chakotay and me.
As we entered our quarters, Chakotay suddenly started undressing me as fast as my uniform would allow without tearing. "Ahh...Chakotay...what are you...doing?" I managed to stammer out as he kissed me senseless. He just gave me one of his devilish grins and proceeded to undress himself until he was only dressed in his birthday suit. And a lovely sight that was.
I felt my heart beating faster and faster. As we neared the bed, Chakotay gently pushed me back onto it and followed, covering me with his warm body.
"Tom," he whispered between our kisses, "I'm proud of you and I love you."
He never gave me an opportunity to reply before kissing me passionately again. I felt a hand move down over my belly and then gently circle around my navel. I gasped in pleasure, which only made Chakotay work harder. His hand continued downwards to my thigh and rested where it had earlier. Knowing what he wanted to do next, I raised my legs to give him full access.
Soon he had me stretched and begging for more. I felt his fingers leave me, being replaced with his cock. As the heat built, I felt a pressure arise around my eyes, one associated with both arousal and the blindness I knew would come. Screw it, I thought to myself and abandoned all thoughts about it and concentrated only on the feeling of my love touching me inside and out. I felt my entire body erupt and sank down into darkness.
I gently pulled out of Tom; he was out cold, gone to the world. I smiled to myself and then bent down to kiss him. I looked over at the dresser beside the bed and saw a towel from this morning hanging there. I stretched and got a hold of it. Gently, without waking up Tom, I cleaned us both. Tossing the towel away from the bed, I lay back down and pulled Tom closer. Life was good. And soon life would be better, was the last thing I thought, before slowly succumbing to sleep and joining my beloved.
Go on to the next part